You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
