I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
