Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
