Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
