It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
