just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
