Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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