I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
