She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
