My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
