I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
