So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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