people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
