When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
