i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
