wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
