You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
