god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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