My balls are so social today.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
