I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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