you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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