Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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