morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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