Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have post one night stand depression
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