im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is an emotional support booty call
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
