Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
