i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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