i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
