My first STD was from a foam party
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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