i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
