I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
