i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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