Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize