Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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