she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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