this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
