Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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