hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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