When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
