yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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