I'm sorry my penis didn't work
false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
