i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
