i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize