So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
