just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
