Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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