You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
