I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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