he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
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