Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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