I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
