like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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