My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
