I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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