I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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