Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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