There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
