i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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