haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
