Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
