Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
