Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we're making bets on your personal life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
