All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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