i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
