I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
