in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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