Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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