So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
