If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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