i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
