he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
