All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
